Valokuvatarina: ” I want to be an independent woman”

Kuva ja teksti ovat kuudes osa Sirpa Levonperän 12.1.-18.1.2015 Helsingissä pidettyä “Sinä olet oman elämäsi tähti” -valokuvanäyttelyä, joka koostui yhdeksästä eri kuvasta ja tarinasta. Kuvattavilta kysyttiin seuraavia asioita: “Meneekö sinun elämäsi niin kuin sinä haluat, missä mennään nyt ja ketkä henkilöt siihen ovat vaikuttaneet? Mitkä ovat juuresi? Kuka sinä olet, mitä teet? Onko tarinasi mielestäsi tyypillinen vai epätyypillinen?” Kuvattavat kirjoittivat pohdintansa.

SOFIYA, accounts assistant

“Since I was a child I have always had a feeling that I was not like everyone else, I don’t really know why… and maybe everything is quite ordinary…

I have often been thinking about me and my life and people around me, if it’s really what I have always wanted, if I am a person I have always wanted to be and used to be…  and it’s not the same answer I get every time. Sometimes I feel happier about myself, than other times.

I have always been very independent and preferred to count on myself. I remember when I was little I dreamed about living as far away as possible when I grow up, it sounded like an adventure to me, I guess most children wish they will always stay with their mums and dads. But it’s not the reason why I came to Denmark from Russia. It was a coincidence. But here I am, I am happy for it, but I wouldn’t say it has always been easy. Of course everyone has some kind of issues and challenges, I had mine.

I am aware of I am often “good” at looking at things through pink glasses, like it was a movie, and then compare to things in my life, and I forget sometimes, that life is not a movie. So I try to work on being happy for what I have and not to think so much about what I am missing. I feel I have often had to “fight” for things, tried to get approval from other people, to prove I am good enough, maybe often without a need. That comes from my childhood I guess, and I try to get rid of it somehow. And it has become better. When I feel I have an issue to work on, it makes me happy sometimes, because it means I can become a better person, and other times I envy people with an X-factor program as the most important thing in their lives. I know it sounds stupid, but what I mean is I wish sometimes I didn’t think so much about things.

If you ask who I am, then I’d answer who I want to be, and I am not always that person, but I am working on it all the time. I want to be an independent woman, free from prejudices and the others opinions, open to the world, be a good parent and a good spouse, and be good to myself. It’s not always easy, but I try to have this picture in my mind all the time, and I think it helps.”